January 30, 2003

I don’t know what

Filed under: Archives — mhoye @ 12:00 pm

I don’t know what the normal social patterns of the average human
neck-resident gland are, but I’ve got one just below my jawbone
that’s got both drive and ambition. I think it’s trying to unseat
my brain as Heaviest Cranial Organ; I certainly feel like a bitter,
no-prisoners King Of The Hill
championship is taking place on the left side of my skull. I thought
that antihistamines were supposed to prevent you from
histaminating, but I guess not.

I’m tempted to call the Ontario Health Line, because the
headache has resisted conventional
treatment with a driving
ambition of its own, groping around my head on the way to
that coveted “splitting” merit badge. The Healthy Ontario website does not inspire
confidence, sadly, with a list of “Hot Topics” on the front page
that includes such luminaries as:

  • Heart Attack
  • Stroke
  • Norwalk Virus
  • Influeza
  • West Nile Virus
  • Did You Wash Your Hands?

I know that clean hands are as good a preventative measure as you’re
likely to see in medicine, but I’m suspicious of any government
initiative that sounds like my mom. I’d be concerned if I found a
headline reading “You Should Look Both Ways Before Crossing The
Street” at Transport Canada’s website, or seeing “Study Reveals
That If You Keep Making That Face, It Will Freeze Like That”
over at Health Canada, so I don’t know how to react to that last
list group.

Two personal notes: one to Geoff, who I stalked to the Dome only
to find Sean there, saying “Geoff’s At The Loon, With Your Shit”,
just like that, capitals and everything, and who the waitress at the
Loon informed me had just left. The content of the personal note is
“I Live Two Blocks Away From The Loon, You Could Have Dropped It
Off At My Place You Weasel”, also with the caps. The other, to The
Mike Who Doesn’t Make Linking To Individual Entries Hard, is this:
One week, man. One week. Less, even. I’m almost done.

Update: I’m going to live.

A brief visit to the clinic got me a prescription for
something called Keflex and the information that I have a throat
infection of some kind. I’m pretty dismayed by this – I cut back
on the coffee, I get headaches, I cut back on the alcohol, and I
get a lymph node with delusions of grandeur. I’m tempted to take
up smoking again just to be sure that I avoid lung cancer.

Uncle Drew, if you’re watching, I won’t, I promise.

Always helpful, Arlene suggested that I give it 24 hours before
taking my prescription; her opinion of walk-in-clinic medecine is
not high, and all the antibiotics in the world won’t fix a viral
infection, so wait it out for a bit, she says. She consulted with
her two resident roommates and had me peer down my own throat before
making that call, and my suggestion that I treat the problem with
disinfectant-strength cane rum was roundly dismissed by all.

Oh, well.

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