February 3, 2004

A Weak Right Hook

Filed under: analog — mhoye @ 12:53 am

From Belinda Stronach:

“As a business person and as a Conservative, I want to help build a country with the highest standard of living and the strongest possible economic foundation with strong job creation, high productivity, a competitive tax structure, as little debt as possible and a flourishing manufacturing sector.”

From Stephen Harper:

“I stand for a family-friendly tax system. I believe in the primacy of protecting our children, of fighting sexual exploitation and outlawing all child pornography. [ … ] I stand for a criminal justice system that protects law-abiding citizens and their property, and punishes criminal wrongdoing.”

Good for them. Just think, some people wonder why the Liberals have been racking up majority government after majority government with no end in sight.

I wonder where exactly on the Canadian political spectrum you would find somebody, anybody, who would actually disagree with any of that. As if there’s someone out there campaigning on a pro-crime, pro-abject-poverty and pro-sexual-exploitation-of-minors platform.

“I want to build a country with a third-world standard of living. One with a weak economic foundation, poor job creation, anemic productivity and a despotic, arbitrary tax system that leeches the lifeblood out of our nation’s families ’til they’re forced to pimp out their daughters, send their eldest boy-child to the salt mines and cast the rest into pits full of wolves for my personal amusement. Furthermore, I plan to drive our nation’s manufacturing capabilities into the ground while amassing approximately a zillion dollars in debt and declaring Grand Theft Auto While Intoxicated an Olympic event. Free sno-cones for everyone!”

I’m constantly amazed by the number of people in this world who think that they’re making a point when all they’re doing is making a noise.

I would love to be a conservative, I really would. I genuinely believe that a free market begets a free people, in minimal government intervention in that market. I’m against price caps on freely marketed goods, federal business subsidies and protectionist trade policies. I believe that government is responsible for the infrastructure of a society, things like police and fire protection, roads, sewers and clean-running water and all that good stuff, so I’d probably want to call myself a Red Tory, but if you worked at it you might even be able to talk me into two-tier medicare.

But for God’s sake, not if it means I have to associate myself with people who spout brainless, content-free bullshit and claim that it’s a position on an issue. Boy, I wish we had a serious right-wing movement in this country, instead of this badly-organized gaggle of smarmy back-stabbers and laissez-faire capitalists who take some time out of their busy schedules every few weeks to remind us that they hate minorities.

Seriously, get back to me when you losers have figured out how to reassemble something that walks and talks like an actual national right-wing political party. You might want to start simple, maybe by hiring somebody who actually speaks french, ditching the vanity candidates and working out something substantive to say.


  1. Canada just looks more and more fantastic by the day. Sigh.

    Comment by Kenneth G. Cavness — February 3, 2004 @ 11:43 am

  2. It’s important to remember that capital-letter political positions aren’t the same as lowercase-letter political positions here. A Conservative may not necessarily be a conservative. Likewise, a Liberal may not be a liberal.

    Comment by Mike Hoye — February 3, 2004 @ 2:21 pm

  3. One of the mixed benefits of being an expatriate is the distance it gives you. It all sounds like fluff to me. I think the main cause of the absence of what Mike calls “real content” is that they have to speak to such a broad range of citizens that they can’t say anything different. Once you make a stand on something, you’re committing to an opposition party blitz on that shortlist of ideas. You get elected by having lots of people vote for you. People don’t agree about very much, so you have to stick to what people agree about. Ideas go by the wayside, unless you want to wind up like the Green Party. If you want different, check their platform out. Different, yes. Electable, no.

    Comment by Nick — February 4, 2004 @ 12:28 am

  4. “Electable?” Don’t tell me you’ve bought into that bullshit too.

    Whenever somebody says “electable”, all I hear is “the unwashed masses, them who I consider to be ignorant, ill-informed, bigoted, possibly inbred and clearly beneath me in all regards, might be difficult to manipulate into voting for our chosen one.”

    It’s absurd. The ideas embodied in the word “electable” should be anathema to any self-respecting democracy. It manages to sound like smug elitism and a declaration of victory from FoxNews at the same time.

    Comment by Mike Hoye — February 4, 2004 @ 1:32 am

  5. So when do we get the sno-cones?

    Comment by Coop — February 4, 2004 @ 9:41 am

  6. Guards! Seize him!

    Comment by Mike Hoye — February 4, 2004 @ 10:01 am

  7. The whole “electability” thing cracks me up, too.

    Comment by Novak — February 6, 2004 @ 6:51 pm

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