Folks, I’m not an international-calibre athlete, but I’ve got some important news for you that I urge, I exhort you to take to heart. Hold this advice to your bosom like a small child, and yet follow it like a papal edict. It will be worth your while, I promise.
Some of you might play a sport of some kind that involves a lot of running around. Some subset of you in that group, men especially, might wear compression shorts to the game, with the idea of avoiding some chafing, fending off cramping or, gentlemen, keeping everything in one place. As plans go, this one is without flaw.
However, some of you might come home in the evening from your chosen contest, fatigued from battle, and you might sit yourself down or your couch, to take the weight off of your abused feet, and the warm glow of the television might soon cause your eyelids to droop. And therein lies the danger, and the reason for today’s advice:
Heed me, my fellows. Pay close attention. Write this down if you have to: you must not, under any circumstances, fall asleep in your compression shorts.
It’s all bad. All of it.
Trust me on this one.