Athletic Support

Folks, I’m not an international-calibre athlete, but I’ve got some important news for you that I urge, I exhort you to take to heart. Hold this advice to your bosom like a small child, and yet follow it like a papal edict. It will be worth your while, I promise.

Some of you might play a sport of some kind that involves a lot of running around. Some subset of you in that group, men especially, might wear compression shorts to the game, with the idea of avoiding some chafing, fending off cramping or, gentlemen, keeping everything in one place. As plans go, this one is without flaw.

However, some of you might come home in the evening from your chosen contest, fatigued from battle, and you might sit yourself down or your couch, to take the weight off of your abused feet, and the warm glow of the television might soon cause your eyelids to droop. And therein lies the danger, and the reason for today’s advice:

Heed me, my fellows. Pay close attention. Write this down if you have to: you must not, under any circumstances, fall asleep in your compression shorts.

It’s all bad. All of it.

Trust me on this one.

5 Comments

  1. Melanie
    Posted June 15, 2004 at 11:10 am | Permalink

    I have always wondered why the sex that is supposed to go around hunting the buffalo has this incredibly impractical bit hanging between its legs.

  2. Lara
    Posted June 15, 2004 at 12:26 pm | Permalink

    Huh. Women call those things “girdles”.

  3. Posted June 15, 2004 at 1:38 pm | Permalink

    The next time someone says “how do you know until you try it?” I will point him to this blog entry.

  4. Posted June 15, 2004 at 2:31 pm | Permalink

    Mike,

    that is perhaps the best advice I’ve heard in months. You have my thanks, as well as a good helping of sympathy pain.

    Yeeowch.

  5. Posted June 16, 2004 at 6:56 pm | Permalink

    Ya know… ya check into a friend’s blog after some considerable time and you read this post about compression shorts and falling asleep in ‘em and you think “Man… WHY Do I bother?”

    I’m thoroughly disturbed now, thanks

    :D