July 21, 2004

Bad Boys F.A.Q.

Filed under: analog — mhoye @ 1:25 am

Q: Bad Boys, watcha want, watcha want?

A: If you have chosen a career outside the law, typically you’ll be in it for the acquisition of wealth. There may be ulterior motives involved, such as a desire for fame or the acquisition of a particular item or class of items, but generally speaking you’ll be in it for the money.

Q: Whatcha gonna do when Sherrif John Brown come for you?

A: This isn’t something that you should worry about. Sherrif Brown was shot, alongside one of his deputies. The suspect in that shooting confessed, though he denied having anything to do with the shooting of the deputy, and his accomplice has not been apprehended. Generally speaking, however, law enforcement does have extensive and highly mobile resources, and are typically better equipped and trained than even the most talented or well-heeled blue-collar criminals.

Q: Bad Boys, Bad Boys, Whatcha gonna do?

A: By the time this question arises, you should be aware that the police are on to you. Your options are limited at this point; you can either turn yourself in or flee the scene. Some people choose a third option, entrenching themselves in some convenient domicile, but that is the least feasible of your options, providing law enforcement with a sitting target and time to muster their resources.

The decision to turn yourself in or flee depends entirely on the gravity of your offence and your perceived risk in turning yourself over to the authorities – if your local authorities are known to abuse their prisoners, or you’re facing a third strike for something relatively trivial, this may give you some impetus to flee. But let me be clear about this: barring an extremely abusive police force, unjust judicial system or particularly heinous crime, your best option is to turn yourself in.

Q: Whatcha gonna do when they come for you?

A: Typically, once the police have decided that they’re coming for you, they’re going to come for you in force. What they’re going to do if and when they catch you depends as much on their original reason for coming for you as they do on how the process of apprehending you went.

If you’ve decided to turn yourself in, go directly to the police station or the first uniformed officer you see and inform them of your identity. Do not wear a jacket, do not carry a bag, and ask to speak to your lawyer immediately. Most importantly, do not resist or give the impression of resistance; again, police officers are professionals trained to deal quickly and efficiently with that kind of situation, and your welfare will be very low on their list of concerns.

If you’re going to run, and you have a little time, it’s imperative that you move promptly and draw no attention to yourself; be cool, pack a bag, put on your sunday best, take public transit to the bus station and pay cash for the first bus ticket to another major urban center. Do not look people in the eye, be polite, do not call anyone and do not tell anyone where you’re going; just go, and do not look back. Pay cash, and do not under any circumstances take your own vehicle or steal another. Do not carry a firearm. Especially in major urban centers, a modern police force is far better trained, experienced and equipped to end high speed chases or gunfights than you are at surviving them; the odds that you will escape from either of these situations in better shape than you’d be by fleeing quietly or turning yourself are vanishingly small.

If you’re going to run and you have no time, don’t. Without a head start, your odds of success are as close to zero as they can be.

1 Comment

  1. Listen to Open Up by Dispatch

    Comment by mark — July 21, 2004 @ 5:49 pm

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