August 9, 2004


Filed under: analog — mhoye @ 3:33 pm

Ahmad Chalabi, who you might recall occupying some prime State Of The Union seating in this picture, has been charged with counterfeiting by the Iraqi government.

Replying to those allegations, he said:

“I do not know who is doing this and why. They are not patriots. I have done my duty and helped liberate Iraq,” he told Reuters from Iran, where he was on holiday. “I will return in a few days. I can easily prove that these charges are untrue and I intend to defend myself and clear my name.”

From Iran, where he was on holiday? Not the Iran of “Axis Of Evil” fame. That Iran?

Awesome. If I could just shake the image of scorched, pockmarked adobe and sandy streets stained black with drying blood, I wouldn’t be able to stop laughing. Apropos of absolutely nothing, here’s a few quotes from some historic texts.

“We see, then, how vain the faith and promises of men who are exiles from their own country. As to their faith, we have to bear in mind that, whenever they can return to their own country by other means than your assistance, they will abandon you and look to the other means,
regardless of their promises to you. And as to their vain hopes and promises, such is their extreme desire to return to their homes that they naturally believe many things that are not true, and add many others on purpose; so that, with what they really believe and what they say they believe, they will fill you with hopes to that degree that if you attempt to act upon them you will incur a fruitless expense, or engage in an undertaking that will involve you in ruin. […] A prince therefore should be slow in undertaking any enterprise upon the representations of exiles, for he will generally gain nothing by it but shame and serious injury.”

– Machiavelli, The Discourses.

“All warfare is based on deception.”

– Sun Tzu, The Art Of War

And last, but not least,

“I will not outsource core functions.”

– Evil Overlord List #179.


  1. You really should just concentrate on your little digital world here and stop pretending you can grasp anything in the real fucking world.

    Comment by james — August 9, 2004 @ 6:35 pm

  2. Your well-formed and coherent counter-argument leaves me awed by your astute grasp of the subtleties of political rhetoric. I salute you, sir.

    Comment by Mike Hoye — August 9, 2004 @ 8:56 pm

  3. Yes, you’re right “james”. Mike’s argument was cogent and on point, with historical references to two of the greatest thinkers on politics and warfare (all that was missing was a quote from Clausewitz). Clearly, such a logical arugment does not belong in the real world in which we exist today.

    Comment by Jamie — August 10, 2004 @ 7:56 am

  4. Hey Mike, can I come visit you in your “little digital world.” It sounds way more fun than this place.

    The whole shebang is hilarious, not to mention my incredulity at people not being shocked or outraged by the vast number of sheerly odd situations that have arisen. If I were an American I would be demanding the states to allow the UN step in to guarantee free and fair elections.

    Comment by gord — August 10, 2004 @ 8:04 am

  5. Hmm. The only problem with that is that it relies on the UN to guarantee free and fair elections. One thing I’ve learned in the past few years is that the UN, unfortunately, is as corrupt as any other large organization. I’m not really sure why this should have surprised me. It is, after all, an enormous organization made up of member states and people all with their own personal interests and agendas at heart.

    I do, however, agree with the sentiment that the situation in Iraq would probably benefit from a more international presence. There are plenty of us doing the demanding. It’s not really going to do us much good until we get Bush out of office though. This is the guy who, when asked by a reporter what has been his worst error since getting into office, was unable to come up with anything. He’s just physically incapable of recognizing his own mistakes or admitting error or human fallibility. So there’s no real point doing anything except trying to get him the hell out of the White House. We’re working on it, honest.

    Comment by Melanie — August 10, 2004 @ 8:46 am

  6. Plus, the real impediment to fair elections is security, and the “insurgents” really don’t care whether the US or the UN is in control – they’ll continue to bomb their own people. Maybe they’ll have a harder time recruiting in the population if the US isn’t seen to be in control, but it’s not really going to make them lay down their arms.

    Comment by Melanie — August 10, 2004 @ 8:50 am

  7. Sorry, I thought gord was suggesting that the UN step in to ensure free and fair elections in the United States.

    Comment by Coop — August 10, 2004 @ 9:49 am

  8. Oh, that apparently went over my head, if so. :*)

    Comment by Melanie — August 10, 2004 @ 12:03 pm

  9. Hey Melanie, just go bake some brownies and let human beings with a brain conduct world affairs….

    Ok…lets have an emergency meeting with the JCS. We found some ho on a blog called blarg who has everything all figured out… Scrap all of our existing plans.

    Comment by james — August 10, 2004 @ 9:47 pm

  10. Ah, yes, short acronyms for American government bodies; the secret handshake of graduates the Tom Clancy School of International Affairs. The JCS would go talk to POTUS who would then direct COMCINCLANT, no doubt. If only we could put Jack Ryan on the case! He’d save the world for sure!

    James, the last time I saw something as content-free as your comments was right after I flushed. On the other hand, you’ve made me hopeful for the future of Le Blarg – I think you’re the first real kook who’s posted here. I’ve dealt with my first random loser already, but a genuine kook! It must mean I’m on the way to the big leagues. I’ll remember this moment fondly, I’m sure.

    Comment by Mike Hoye — August 10, 2004 @ 10:37 pm

  11. Hey, I was just randomly confused, that doesn’t make me a loser, too… does it?

    So James, instead of just flinging a little bile this way, could you maybe take five minutes and come up with something resembling a rebuttle? It is nice to see you can be bitter, sexist, and vacuous all in one paragraph.

    You must be Republican.

    Comment by kev — August 10, 2004 @ 11:09 pm

  12. Hi, I just wanted to let you guyz know EZ Bake ovens are fake.It never really heats up. I whipped up some brownie mix as I was reading “Clearance- Top Secret” documents from NSA intercepts in the Iraq/Iran region…I stuck the brownie mix in there and waited and waited and waited and they never even rose up or even heated up or anything. They should put some kind of warning on there to tell you it’s not a real oven….Jeez.

    So anyway, I got permission from mom to use the real oven, which didn’t give me much time to encode a secret burst transmission message back to “raven” with his instructions on the handling of an in country Iranian Air force defector.

    Hold on a second……..there’s the new Jo Jo video.

    Editor’s note – This isn’t the same Melanie; it’s just a coward. -mhoye

    Comment by Melanie — August 11, 2004 @ 1:35 am

  13. Wow, that’s really cool. Apparently I am able to post comments on a blog while I’m sleeping and have no internet access. Must be by superhero superpower. I always wondered what it was.

    Comment by Melanie — August 11, 2004 @ 9:03 am

  14. Your power is a combinaion of telepathy and astral projection. Is Michael aware of this or are you going to keep your superhero identity secret to protect him from your nemsises?

    Comment by Jamie — August 11, 2004 @ 1:00 pm

  15. “Nemsises”?

    Comment by Mike Hoye — August 11, 2004 @ 1:24 pm

  16. My bad! I, of course, misspelled the word. What I meant was “nemisises”.

    Comment by Jamie — August 11, 2004 @ 1:42 pm

  17. What this world really needs is a supervillain with a lisp.

    Comment by Mike Hoye — August 11, 2004 @ 2:31 pm

  18. I thought all programmers were supervillains, not just lispers.

    Comment by kev — August 11, 2004 @ 4:06 pm

  19. So, _anyway_, what happens when you’re exiled from a country run by a corrupt leader/government. Do Machi’s thoughts stand?

    Comment by mk — August 12, 2004 @ 11:39 pm

  20. Mark: Yes.

    Comment by Mike Hoye — August 13, 2004 @ 12:02 pm

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