blarg?

Unwarranted

My writing has been cripplingly weak of late, and I apologize to those of you who come here expecting better. I’ve been struggling with a mental lethargy that’s clouding a number of my life’s axes and my ability to stay focused on things that need to change long enough to change them is very nearly gone. I need to get my head back on. This is awful.

For your amusement, in the meantime, I present to you this excerpt from the end-user license of a Microsoft security patch; sometimes people say that the problem with Linux from a business perspective is “Who can you sue?” Well, that may be a problem all over the place.


MICROSOFT AND ITS SUPPLIERS PROVIDE TO YOU
THE OS COMPONENTS, AND ANY (IF ANY) SUPPORT
SERVICES RELATED TO THE OS COMPONENTS
(“SUPPORT SERVICES”) AS IS AND WITH ALL
FAULTS; AND MICROSOFT AND ITS SUPPLIERS
HEREBY DISCLAIM WITH RESPECT TO THE OS
COMPONENTS AND SUPPORT SERVICES ALL
WARRANTIES AND CONDITIONS, WHETHER EXPRESS,
IMPLIED OR STATUTORY, INCLUDING, BUT NOT
LIMITED TO, ANY (IF ANY) WARRANTIES, DUTIES
OR CONDITIONS OF OR RELATED TO:
MERCHANTABILITY, FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR
PURPOSE, LACK OF VIRUSES, ACCURACY OR
COMPLETENESS OF RESPONSES, RESULTS,
WORKMANLIKE EFFORT AND LACK OF NEGLIGENCE.
ALSO THERE IS NO WARRANTY, DUTY OR CONDITION
OF TITLE, QUIET ENJOYMENT, QUIET POSSESSION,
CORRESPONDENCE TO DESCRIPTION OR NON-INFRINGEMENT. THE ENTIRE RISK ARISING OUT
OF USE OR PERFORMANCE OF THE OS COMPONENTS
AND ANY SUPPORT SERVICES REMAINS WITH YOU.

Lovely. The shorter version, devoid of legalese, is of course as follows:

Suck it down. Furthermore, your gag reflex is not our problem.

A few questions:

  1. I’d be surprised if you could just say “No, even if it’s statutory we don’t promise anything” and make it stick.

  2. Microsoft’s legal department won’t even guarantee a “workmanlike effort”?

2 Comments | Skip to comment form

  1. Mike

    Your alternatives were, at the time you were reading this legalese, to click “I Accept” or to hit your computer with a sledgehammer. I believe that takes away the concept of “a meeting of minds,” that you and MSFT agreed to something out of both of your free wills. Therefore NO CONTRACT.

    And yes, there’s a lot of pride in the non-guarantee of workmanlike effort.

    Right to quiet enjoyment?

  2. Mike Hoye

    I don’t know for sure, but I think “the right to quiet enjoyment” might mean “the right to use this product with any guarantee that we won’t phone you or knock on your door.”