blarg?

Nobody in my knitting circle has piped up about the new year’s requisite debauchery, so it’s time to do something about it.

Arlene and I will be hosting a cocktail party this last day of the year. Everyone and their dates are, of course, invited. We’ll be providing mixers, soft drinks and elaborate, ornamented appetizers, but you are encouraged to bring either a dessert for the common consumption, or your beverage of choice, which you may also have to share.

These elaborate festivities will indeed be a cocktail party, and will involve scrubbing down and dressing up. There will be wine, cheese, cocktails and various other common accoutrements of civilized, grown-up parties, so if your ass shows up dressed in “basement casual” or perhaps “fratboy chic”, or if you’re just vaguely malodorous, your ass is staying out on the curb.

RSVP, of course, and if you’d be so kind, let us know what you’re bringing and, if you’d be doubly so kind, be as specific as possible. (Hint: “I’m bringing tiramisu” is good. “I’m bringing a dessert” is impractical)

You can expect that this party will have a two-drink, and possibly a two-charade, minimum.

Date: The last day of the year.
Time: 8:00.
Attire: Moderately Swanky to Extremely Swanky.

Feel free to pass this invite around, as long as the people you’re giving it to also RSVP and dress up.

Provided without comment, a transcription of an actual conversation:


“I love you.”

“I love croutons.”

“Nyaaagh!”

Funny story about being an admin: my users are virtually never the problem. Sometimes it’s me, I’ll admit. But the people who’ve created the tools that I have to support? They’re almost always the problem.

I mean, Jesus Christ. It’s 2004. We’ve had arbitrary-precision integers for almost fifty years and you’ve put a dialog box on my screen telling me your product will fall over dealing with a short int overflow?

Fuck off.

Clutch is alive, thank you Jeebus. Finally. Listen though, people: I’ve talked about this before, but another word about Microsoft’s MN-500 router: do not ever purchase this product, ever. It is simply not heavy enough to club its creators to death with, but I promise that’s all you’ll want it for.

On to other things: I have a very strange problem that I’d like to relate to you. Bear with me for a moment.

I have, on the one hand, Breyers’ Natural Vanilla ice cream. This is a very fine vanilla ice cream, and is very delicious.

I have on the other hand a President’s Choice Sugar, Chocolate And Cinnamon Blend Grinder, whose purpose is to grind up the stated ingredients and convey their flavors to a recipient dish of my choosing. This is also a fine product, and has also been very delicious.

The problem is pretty straightforward: against all intuition and rational thought, when I put ground Sugar, Chocolate and Cinnamon on top of my Natural Vanilla Ice Cream, the thing that comes out the end of that process doesn’t taste like Vanilla Ice Cream With A Hint Of Sugar, Chocolate And Cinnamon. It tastes, and I swear this is true, like Genoa salami.

I have no idea what’s happening here, but let me say this again: when I mix the vanilla ice cream with the ground sugar, chocolate and cinnamon mix, some fierce invisible alchemy occurs, and I end up with a bowl full of cold, creamy Genoa salami.

My first thought was that I’d discovered the innovative miswiring of some baroque and darkened corner of my internal apparatus, but Arlene agrees with me, and she’s not broken the way I am. I’m as surprised as anyone.

I swear to you, this is the literal truth of the matter: cold, creamy Genoa salami. Seriously.

What the hell?

Jamie sent me this, which reads in part:

“In general when any application asks to install another application, I assume the other application is spyware. But you have to support spyware if you’re going to have free file-sharing applications. Fair’s fair.”

I just wanted to point out that this is rougly akin to, by which I mean “exactly the same as”, arguing that date rape is an unfortunate but necessary consequence of drinking in a nightclub.

203.190.254.9 - - [02/Dec/2004:12:37:11 -0500] "GET /~mhoye/blarg/archives/2002_10.php HTTP/1.0" 403 320 "http://www.credit-card-applications-4u.info/"
80.65.102.162 - - [02/Dec/2004:12:34:40 -0500] "GET /~mhoye/blarg/archives/001402.php HTTP/1.0" 403 319 "http://www.deal-e-site.info/"
194.213.41.11 - - [02/Dec/2004:12:16:01 -0500] "GET /~mhoye/blarg/archives/001421.php HTTP/1.0" 403 319 "http://www.credit-reports-4u.info/"
80.65.102.162 - - [02/Dec/2004:12:15:51 -0500] "GET /~mhoye/blarg/archives/001421.php HTTP/1.0" 403 319 "http://www.digital-camera-esite.info/"
80.65.102.162 - - [02/Dec/2004:12:14:40 -0500] "GET /~mhoye/blarg/archives/001344.php HTTP/1.0" 403 319 "http://www.dating-e-site.info/"
195.144.131.2 - - [02/Dec/2004:12:10:14 -0500] "GET /~mhoye/blarg/archives/001407.php HTTP/1.0" 403 319 "http://www.adult-dvd-top-shop.info/"

Ha ha, bitches.

Current .htaccess file:

SetEnvIfNoCase Referer 12.163.72.13 cockbites
SetEnvIfNoCase Referer online-gambling cockbites
SetEnvIfNoCase Referer onlinegambling cockbites
SetEnvIfNoCase Referer valeofglamorgan cockbites
SetEnvIfNoCase Referer thorcarlson cockbites
SetEnvIfNoCase Referer "^http://.*info" cockbites
SetEnvIfNoCase Referer hentermin cockbites
Order Deny,Allow
Deny from env=cockbites

Either poker sites, phentermin vendors or nonexistent members of the .info TLD. (all of them, really). Bastards.