Bastards

Really, my childhood should be so stretched-out and scarred by now that I shouldn’t even feel it, but I do.

“We got raised eyebrows even in-house at first, but the feeling was these timeless characters really needed a breath of fresh air that only the introduction of someone new could provide,” says Nancy Kanter of the Disney Channel.”

“The gamble could sweeten the pot of a company that already brings in $1 billion annually from Pooh merchandise, “more than all their core characters combined,” says Thomas Ranese of marketing consultants Interbrand. “Pooh appears to be a robust brand that can handle expansion.”

John Scalzi has written this, which sums it up nicely while simultaneously making me very sad. Apparently, my childhood was asking for it, walking around in that neighborhood at night dressed like that.

If you are in advertising, I would like you to wrap yourself from head to foot in a festive wrapping paper, tape my address to your leg, put a gun in your mouth and pull the trigger. Do it outside on cold day, so that last expression on your face stays frozen. I’ll pay the shipping. It would be the best Christmas present ever.

“Pooh and his crew”. Jesus.

6 Comments

  1. Posted December 9, 2005 at 2:07 pm | Permalink

    Is she wearing a helmet because she’s retarded?

  2. Posted December 9, 2005 at 3:03 pm | Permalink

    Poochie to the extreme.

  3. Anonymous
    Posted December 9, 2005 at 3:05 pm | Permalink

    I presume that it is because helmet == rollerblading == x-treme! == fat sacks of merchandising cash, but my hope is that she is wearing protective gear because she fears the swift and just retribution of the Hundred Acre Wood.

  4. Tyla
    Posted December 11, 2005 at 9:42 pm | Permalink

    This might bother me if this were actually Winnie-the-Pooh, and not a Disnified imposter. Love Ernest H. Shepard, haaaaaate Disney.

    And really, from the way you built it up, I thought the Company was going to be blinging Pooh up to appeal to the urban demographic, not just giving him a (marginally) less androgynous human pal. :P

  5. Mike Hoye
    Posted December 12, 2005 at 10:32 am | Permalink

    You have given me a mental picture of Eeyore that is captioned “Back That Ass Up”, for which I hate you, but only a little.

  6. Mike Richters
    Posted December 12, 2005 at 9:41 pm | Permalink

    I think Disney was afraid that Christopher Robin might be gay.