Lore Sjoberg once observed:

“Rockin'” has become one of those terms that have come to mean the absence of what they describe, like “extreme” and “perfectly legal.” Anything described as “rockin'” is nearly guaranteed not to rock. Case in point, there is perhaps nothing less rockin’ to do with your New Year’s Eve than to turn on the television and watch other people having a party.

I submit to you that there is a corollary to this.

When an artist creates or participates in a Christmas song, Christmas album, or something else T’is-the-seasonally-themed, that event marks point at which that artist’s career ceases to rock. Christmas music is the shark-jump of an artist’s career; it is the chasm between between the genuine article and the, if you would, crap. This is because Christmas music is both commercially reliable, generally awful and of approximately no artistic value whatsoever. Tastes may vary, of course, but disagreeing with me in this instance means that you’re wrong.


  1. Posted December 24, 2005 at 6:59 pm | Permalink

    Adventures In Retail

    Seconded. Over the past couple of weeks, my respect for a half-dozen or more artists – nay, screw that, they’re now demoted to “content producers” – has been totally destroyed.

    I used to like Diana Krall. Now I want nothing more than to Kerrigan her windpipe.

    Actually, that’s perhaps a bit over the top. I still like some of her other work. Mayhap I could instead tie all of her socks into Gordian-like knots. Forever. While she’s wearing them.

    Christmas. Music. Must. Die.

  2. Posted December 24, 2005 at 7:10 pm | Permalink is, imnsho, an exception. I’ll rock out to Christmas Eve in Sarajevo any time of the year.

  3. Nick
    Posted December 25, 2005 at 6:13 pm | Permalink

    I seem to remember Mike’s beloved U2 doing some Christmas music back in the early ’90s. Pre-Achtung Baby, anyways. So, exception again. Also, as counter-evidence: “Merry Christmas, Baby (I Don’t Want To Fight Tonight)” by The Ramones. Good theory, just some notable exceptions. But these are like irregular verb exceptions rather than “No, I didn’t really clone human stem cells after all” exceptions. I still hate most Christmas music. Especially the Korean version of the Mini-pops singing “Feliz Navidad.” The horror. The horror.