July 4, 2006

A Long Drive

Filed under: analog — mhoye @ 11:43 am

Zeno’s Paradox suggests to us that in order for somebody to get their head all the way up their ass, they must first get it halfway in, and then half of the remaining distance, and half again. An infinite number of these halves exist, and so an infinite number of incremental steps must be taken; no man can thus have their head entirely up their ass, and yet as I drive down the 401, I see dozens of people so thoroughly craniorectally lodged that they could suck the nutrients out of their own kidneys. A paradox! How can this be?

This is not the only contradiction that confronts me; many, so many, people are in the “passing lane”, and no passing of any kind occurs? There is drifting, yes, but that is not passing. No passing, but in the passing lane: another curious conundrum, seemingly an insuperable contradiction. Again, a paradox!

While I am no great thinker, I am confident that when the art and science of philosophical inquiry has so far advanced that an answer to one of them is discovered, the world will immediately have the answer to the other.


  1. Word. I, too, had the lovely experience of driving up and down the 401 this long weekend, and wondering if some people in the passing lane understood the concept of passing. If only life were like Mario Kart, I could then everntually pass them and drop a rolling bomb behind me.

    Comment by Anonymous — July 4, 2006 @ 12:21 pm

  2. It really bugs me that I got a ticket a month ago on the 401 for doing 122km/hr, and yet jackasses like this are spared from the guillotine.

    Comment by Quotation — July 4, 2006 @ 12:30 pm

  3. Well, my driving school taught the art of driving with the “flow of traffic”, which allows for entry into the so-called “passing” lane even when not, technically speaking, passing. It does require getting out of the way of someone going faster than me. Of course, if said person were to “stick their nose right up my ass” before I have the chance to let them by, as often happens, I do occasionally take perverse pleasure in removing my foot gently from the gas and taking my sweet time about letting them by.

    Comment by Melanie — July 6, 2006 @ 1:28 pm

  4. I won’t get into the gory details of how it came to pass, but I was told by an OPP officer in no uncertain terms that it is “illegal to drive in the passing lane unless you are passing”. This was in reference to the very same 401. I couldn’t resist replying to the effect that a lot of people should be getting tickets in that case.

    No, I didn’t get a ticket and, well, yes, it all sort of had to do with my having driven in the passing lane longer than another professional [ahem] driver [of the type Mike has so warmly described] thought I ought.

    Comment by janice — July 6, 2006 @ 11:40 pm

  5. Well, I’m doing most of my highway driving on I95, so I don’t know whether the laws are the same here or not. But after recently being told by both a cop and magistrate (when I went to contest a ticket) that it was illegal to ENTER an intersection on a YELLOW light, no matter how close you are to the intersection when the light turns (and regardless of whether it is safe to try to stop or not), I’m not really inclined to believe that the authorities have any idea what they’re talking about with respect to traffic law and safety. (That one had to do with a cop trying to make his quota on superbowl Sunday I think) Of course, they’re still the ones doling out the tickets…

    Comment by Melanie — July 7, 2006 @ 9:55 am

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