A Series Of Actual Phone Calls.

There are rich veins of barrel-bottom that have yet to be fully explored, it seems:

Phone: Bzzzz!

Hoye: Answers phone.

Robotic Feminine Voice: “Please hold, you have an important message from”

Hoye: Hangs up phone

Phone: Chirp.

Hoye: Goes about his business for five minutes.

Phone: Bzzzz!

Hoye: Answers phone.

Robotic Feminine Voice: “Please hold, you have an important message from a random merchant. To listen, please stay on the”

Hoye: Hangs up phone

Phone: Chirp.

Hoye: Goes about his business for fifteen minutes.

Phone: Bzzzz!

Hoye: Answers phone.

Robotic Feminine Voice: “Please hold, you have”

Hoye: Hangs up phone

Phone: Chirp.

Hoye: Goes about his business for two hours.

Phone: Bzzzz!

Hoye: Answers phone.

Robotic Feminine Voice: “Please hold, you have an important message from a random merchant. To listen, please stay on the line.”

Hoye: Muttering. “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.”

Crappy Elevator Music: “Doo de doo de doo.”

Hoye: Jaw clenches, brows furrow.

Telemarketer: “Hello, is this Mr. Howe?”

Hoye: “Who?”

Telemarketer: “Is this Mr. Howe?”

Hoye: “No.”

Telemarketer: “Is there anyone else there by the name of Mike Howe?”

Hoye: “No. Why are you calling me?”

Telemarketer: “Sorry, there’s no Mr. Howe there?”

Hoye: “No. You have the wrong number. Put me on your do-not-call list. Stop calling me.”

Telemarketer: “Could I speak to Mr. Howe?”

Hoye: Hangs up phone

Phone: Chirp.

Hoye: Goes about his business for half an hour.

Phone: Bzzzz!

Hoye:Answers phone.

Robotic Feminine Voice: “Please hold, you have an important message from”

Hoye: Brain explodes.

So, you phone me up, at home, work, wherever I happen to be, and the first thing you do is put me on hold? Nice. So, even though you’re in the middle of trying to sell me your product, you think my time is completely worthless.

As it magically turns out, I immediately feel the same way about your product.

I hate you so much. Seriously, if you are in advertising, I want you to kill yourself right now.

3 Comments

  1. Mr Sympathetic
    Posted October 22, 2006 at 1:16 pm | Permalink

    I’ve heard that the best retaliation is to DOS them right back — just say “Oh, Mr Hoye? Sure, I’ll get him”, set the phone down without hanging up, and wait.

    It wastes more of your time, sure; but if everyone did this, it’d waste so much of their time that phone spamming might cease to be profitable.

  2. Mike Hoye
    Posted October 22, 2006 at 8:39 pm | Permalink

    I’d already be there if this wasn’t my cellphone, and those minutes cost me money.

  3. Posted October 23, 2006 at 11:28 pm | Permalink

    CallSpamming cellphones is illegal in Canada, all cell providers have their exchanges registered so that they have no excuse. You can really LART them for calling your cell.