blarg?

A Disabusal

The heretic is burned; he is lashed his pyre by those who are told he is certainly wrong, on the orders of those who know the real threat, that he might be right.

Welcome to the internets. Your sign, let me show you it.

Maybe I’m just hanging out in the wrong circles here, but is every single marginal little improvement you can make in any corner of your life being called a “hack” now? Life
hacks, Sex hacks, Word hacks, Bicycle hacks, Travel hacking, astronomy hacks, book hacks, lawn mowing hacks, mind hacks, food hacks, sock hacks

It’s endless. These things used to be called hints, tips or rules of thumb, but it’s 2007 now and in these modern times baroque language like that doubles in awkward-outdatedness every eighteen months. I mean, good lord, a “hint”! It sounds like something that you’d actually have to say. As in “speak”. Out loud! As though there’d be somebody else in the room with you when you’re cooking or planning a trip. I’d wager people had to hold some sort of ornate, bakelite hearing-trumpet contrivance to their ear-canals to clearly discern these “tips”. And how many rules-of-thumb are there to the handspan?

It’s 2007 and here in the cutting-edginess of the future, the word is apparently “hacks”.

People, I need that to stop. For the same reasons that I need you to stop saying “zen” when the right word is “stupidity”. I don’t care about the serene smirk some random flash applet puts on your face; words mean things, and you’re doing it wrong.

We’re on the hard road to the future here. We need sharp minds working with sharp tools. Not this bullshit hipster-cred cargo-culting, or none of us will get into heaven when the rapture comes to upload after the singularity.

Repeate after me: it’s not a hack, you’re not a hacker, and just using the word won’t change anything. You might as well say that everyone in the world could be driving a Ferrari if we just changed the word for “car” to “Ferrari”. You might feel clever. And honestly, if you’re in dire need of advice on how to organize your fucking sock drawer, I can totally see how desperately you’d need any sort of ego boost at all.

There’s a million things you can do to make your life better, simpler, and happier. Keep your space clean. Be disciplined in your finances. Learn to cook. Make art. But the one I want you to do first is to stop calling things something they’re not just to make yourself sound cool.

One Comment | Skip to comment form

  1. Maggie

    OMG. THANK YOU.

    ____hack(s)(er) drive me MAD. 99% of it is common sense and the rest is just so ridiculous as to be utterly useless.