blarg?

October 16, 2007

“How To Be A”

Filed under: lunacy — mhoye @ 2:11 pm

So, while I was looking for some information about how to batch up a process here, the Google search bar in Firefox suggested, when I got to the “b” in “how to batch…” that what I was really looking for was “how to be happy”. Aren’t we all! But when I typed that in instead, I got to the end of “be” when it suggested a bunch of alternative lifestyles, career choices and general dispositions.

On a whim, I typed “how to be a” and let it tell me what, in aggregate, the world would really rather be doing than whatever they’re doing right now. The answers turn out to be, in order:

  • happy
  • anorexic
  • emo
  • cool
  • a good kisser
  • funny
  • popular
  • a player
  • a model

This suggests that most of the self-improvement goal-setting on the internet is being driven by insecure teenagers. A little unsusprising, and I have no small amount of sympathy for people in that position, but you get a lot more information about the aggregate state of the world if you cycle through the alphabet one letter at a time, to see what people are actually following up the words “how to be a” with.

For posterity’s sake, here they are. The english-speaking world’s hopes, dreams and aspirations, as aggregated by automated processes in late 2007. There’s a lot of greed and envy in there, but surprisingly a lot of altruism too.

In order of suggestion-appearance and then alphabetically the world wants to know how to to be a:

  • actor
  • actress
  • artist
  • accountant
  • architect
  • agent
  • assassin
  • airline pilot
  • air hostess
  • air traffic controller
  • better person
  • bartender
  • bitch
  • bounty hunter
  • better kisser
  • millionaire
  • better husband
  • better boyfriend
  • better girlfriend
  • bookie
  • consultant
  • comedian
  • cheerleader
  • cop
  • chef
  • ceo
  • clown
  • christian
  • cpa
  • con artist
  • dj
  • doctor
  • detective
  • dentist
  • domestic goddess
  • drug dealer
  • director
  • dom
  • day trader
  • diva
  • emo
  • entrepreneur
  • escort
  • extra
  • estate agent
  • emcee
  • event planner
  • emt
  • engineer
  • electrician
  • friend
  • fashion designer
  • flight attendant
  • fireman
  • fire fighter
  • flirt
  • foster parent
  • freelance writer
  • farmer
  • food critic
  • good kisser
  • good girlfriend
  • good boyfriend
  • good wife
  • good manager
  • good leader
  • good friend
  • good husband
  • gentleman
  • great kisser
  • hacker
  • hippie
  • hitman
  • hipster
  • hero
  • hot guy
  • hippy
  • healthy vegetarian
  • hedge fund manager
  • how
  • interior designer
  • investment banker
  • insurance agent
  • interpreter
  • illusionist
  • journalist
  • judge
  • jerk
  • jedi
  • juggalo
  • jew
  • jockey
  • jewish mother
  • jp
  • jock
  • knight
  • kid model
  • kid spy
  • king
  • kid
  • kid actor
  • kid detective
  • keeper
  • kept woman
  • kid actress
  • leader
  • lady
  • lawyer
  • landlord
  • life coach
  • ladies man
  • librarian
  • locksmith
  • loan officer
  • linebacker
  • model
  • millionaire
  • man
  • manager
  • male model
  • music producer
  • mentor
  • mystery shopper
  • mistress
  • mechanic
  • ninja
  • nurse
  • nerd
  • nanny
  • nice person
  • notary
  • ninja on club penguin
  • nicer person
  • notary public
  • nutritionist
  • occupational therapist
  • optometrist
  • organ donor
  • owner operator
  • player
  • property developer
  • pimp
  • pilot
  • playa
  • photographer
  • police office
  • pirate
  • personal trainer
  • quarterback
  • quick change artist
  • quant
  • queen
  • quantity surveyor
  • qb
  • quarter back
  • queen bee
  • quick turn real estate millionaire
  • real estate agent
  • rapper
  • rock star
  • real estate millionaire
  • realtor
  • real man
  • radio dj
  • reporter
  • recruiter
  • spy
  • scene kid
  • singer
  • stockbroker
  • sniper
  • superhero
  • star
  • scene girl
  • salesman
  • social worker
  • teacher
  • travel agent
  • trader
  • tattoo artist
  • team player
  • tease
  • trainer
  • tomboy
  • travel writer
  • thief
  • us citizen
  • ufc fighter
  • university professor
  • u.s. citizen
  • undercover cop
  • university lecturer
  • us marshall
  • used car dealer
  • un ambassador
  • vet
  • vegetarian
  • ventriloquist
  • vamipre
  • vegan
  • veterinarian
  • voice actor
  • video game tester
  • virtual assistant
  • vj
  • writer
  • wedding planner
  • witch
  • waiter
  • woman
  • waitress
  • winner
  • wow gm
  • wizard
  • web designer
  • yoga instructor
  • yoga teacher
  • young lady
  • young model
  • youth leader
  • youth pastor
  • yacht broker
  • yummy mummy
  • young entrepreneur
  • youth broker
  • zoo keeper
  • zombie
  • zoologist
  • zookeeper

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