A Clear And Present Danger

On my first morning here, I rummaged through my luggage and discovered two things:

  • A note saying our luggage had been searched by the Department of Homeland Security, and
  • No socks.

One of two things may have happened here. The first is mere absentmindedness and coincidence, and the second is that the American national security establishment has stolen my socks.

I’ll let you guess which way I’m going to  tell that story. Fortunately my underwear was not deemed to be a threat, and none of you will be subjected to a rant about Hoye stomping Tokyo commando-style. That doesn’t mean I’ll spare you the mental image, of course, because that’s how I roll. Don’t worry, ma’am, I’m from the internets.

It occurs to me that perhaps my socks were not confiscated, but commandeered, playing some shadowy but crucial role in the war on terror that the world can never be allowed to know.


  1. Posted April 27, 2008 at 10:36 pm | Permalink

    In retrospect, bringing the plutonium socks was not a great idea.

  2. Mike Hoye
    Posted April 27, 2008 at 11:06 pm | Permalink

    Plutonium Bond Medicated Powder: When You Absolutely, Positively Need To Deal With That Smell.

  3. Lyn
    Posted April 28, 2008 at 11:56 am | Permalink

    Maybe they figure the logical step from shoe bombs is sock bombs?

    The DHS itself doesn’t give a damn about your socks, unless you were trying to sneak something illegal out of the country.

    On the other hand, the guy who did the searching might have taken them. Maybe he has a sock fetish. Either him or a baggage handler.

    I work for U.S. Customs & Border Protection, that’s how I know. No, I’m not a field officer, but I do work in the security management division.

  4. Posted April 28, 2008 at 12:08 pm | Permalink

    At least you got a note. When we went to Disney World last year, despite using TSA approved locks on all our luggage, they cut the lock off of my wife’s suitcase and had obviously been through all her stuff, since it was no longer neatly folded and properly secured.

    Fucking assholes. I can only hope this shit ends starting next year.

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