In my first draft of this post, which was subsequently vetoed by an involved party, I made a number of supervillianesque claims involving ultrasonic rays, impending geological upheavals and something pleasantly contradictory about the “miracles of natural selection” which I enjoyed immensely but which did not, sadly, pass muster.
Mere moments ago, however, I was asked if that shouldn’t read “pass mustard”, to give you an idea of the editorial board I’m dealing with here. “Cut the mustard? Cut the cheese?” Passing inspection, achieving success or breaking a mighty wind, you can see how in the wrong hands they’re almost synonyms.
Also, I am currently getting punched.
So let me say it simply, then, because it’s good news and I’m happy to share it: my wife and I are expecting a kid sometime in mid-May.
We’re happy about it! Though not, I think, quite as frothingly delirious as the grandparents-to-be, who will no doubt be enjoying the combination of like-having-a-kid-except-on-easy-mode and now-it’s-your-turn-ha-ha-ha that I’m sure being a grandparent entails. And you should know that no, we don’t have a name, gender or plans for a legion of others yet.
But I’m sure it will work out well; the early signs point to healthy and as many people know, I am an excellent role model.
Stay sharp, futurekid. We’ll see you in six months.