Microsoft makes this thing called “Songsmith”, which lets you sing into your microphone and, based on some hideous internal logic, will produce backing tracks for your vocal stylings. So some people have done what any rational person would do with a tool like that available, and take the vocal tracks from existing and often well-loved songs and feed them into it just to see what would happen.
The results are… they’re more than criminal. They are mind-rending, a landscape of crumpled bodies and pockmarked walls littering the sandy courtyard of some spiritual Hague. Behold the Songsmith versions of:
- The B-52’s Painfully Sexless Love Shack.
- Ozzy Ozbourne’s Crazy About Bratwurst Train
- Survivor’s Eye Of The Docile To The Point Of Narcoleptic Tiger
- Billy Idol’s Extremely White Wedding
- No Doubt’s “Oompa-Loompas At The Chop Shop” Hella Good
- Nirvana’s Polkagonist In Bloom
…among many, many others.
To precisely nobody’s surprise, Oasis’ Synthetic Wonderwall, Britney Spear’s Toxic Flamenco and Michael Jackson’s Set-Electrofunks-To-Kill Beat It are substantial improvements over the originals. And amusingly (and tellingly) enough, A-Ha’s “Take On Me” and Beyonce’s “Single Ladies” are almost indistinguishable from the originals.
Which might be the real value of Songsmith. If you put a song through it and nothing happens, that’s valuable information.