April 20, 2009

We Play Both Kinds Of Music Here

Filed under: life,lunacy,travel,weird — mhoye @ 1:04 pm


This is another story I’ve told a few people recently, so I’m going to tell it to you to get it out of my system. It came up in a conversation about Alberta, and I mentioned that people in cowboy boots and suits creep me out. So, of course, somebody asked me why.

This is why. It adds a certain flavour to this story a little bit if you know that there’s a strong resemblance between me and my dad.

When I was maybe fourteen, my family went on a trip to Mexico. It was a great trip (to my hazy memory) but on route we had a stopover at DFW, and got snowed in. So we stayed at the hotel at the airport to catch a flight the next morning; we checked in pretty late as I recall it, so dad and I went out to reconnoiter the place to see if there was any dinner around.

On our way back to one of the top floors, this slow elevator stops and in walk two skinny, oily Texans, shiny suits, cowboy boots, big belt buckles and bolo ties, the works. Greasy moustaches and slicked back hair, it was all there. And between them, one absolutely stacked brunette, shrinkwrapped in a black dress that didn’t leave much of what little it covered to the imagination. The doors close, and up we go.

Now, I’m fourteen, so I probably looked at this woman a little longer than I needed to. But the way a lot of fourteen year olds do, I figure I can deal with the world, right? But it still caught me more than a little off guard when one of the Texans looks at my dad and I, nods his head over at the brunette and drawls, “you wanna get in on this?”

There is no way they could not have known that I was standing next to my dad. None. I don’t believe I have ever been more skeeved out in my life. The other Texan looked over, like he was genuinely curious about our decision. The brunette looked as bored as if the guy had just ordered a pizza, and here I am, paralyzed with skeeve.

But my dad, he’s not always the calmest guy around, but somehow right then he’s as cool as the weather outside; he just looks the guy in the eye and shakes his head.

“Alright”, says the Texan. And the elevator stops at their floor, and off they go. My 14-year-old brain, of course, was still trying to digest what had just happened. “Wait, what? You… aaagh! Eew!” And ever since then, man, I’ve found suits plus cowboy boots creepy as hell. The last time I had a flight lay over in Calgary was brutal. Every time I see that outfit, that’s what I think of. You wanna get in on this?

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