Category Archives: doom

Insecurity Theatre

Your new password must contain a mix of: uppercase letters lowercase letters numbers symbols symbols that are also numbers illuminati symbols hobo signs occult symbols (not illuminati) old girlfriend’s phone numbers hieroglyphs fragrances H.P. Lovecraft references exotic spices descriptions of that favorite sweater you lost in a breakup that one time secret regrets controversial onomatopoeia […]

Architecture For Loners

This has been sitting around in the drafts folder for a while. I’m not sure why I wanted to finish it off tonight, but I want to get all these half-finished posts done. This seemed like a good way to knock off some of the rust. Occasionally when I’m in one of my darker moods […]

Vocoder Duet

You can think of them as the Fry and Laurie of malevolent synthetic intelligences that are going to murder you. In a fortuitous coincidence, this video – a collection of communications from SHODAN, antagonist of the classic System Shock 2, and this video, of GlaDOS‘ spoken dialogue from the first Portal, … are both about […]

What Better Place Than Here, What Better Time Than Now

I was in an Ikea last weekend, when their background music system started playing Rage Against The Machine. I was actually paralyzed for a moment. I found myself looking around, thinking “Am… Am I just old? Is this old-person music now? Or is it finally time? Here? Why here, now?” I felt, briefly, like I […]

A Glass Half Broken

A friend of mine has called me a glass-half-broken kind of guy. My increasingly venerable Nokia N9 has been getting squirrelly for a few months, and since it finally decided its battery was getting on in years it was time for a new phone. I’m going to miss it a lot. The hardware was just […]

Crypto Is Not A Panacea

I was going to write this to an internal mailing list, following this week’s PRISM excitement, but I’ve decided to put it here instead. It was written (and cribbed from other stuff I’ve written elsewhere) in response to an argument that encrypting everything would somehow solve a scary-sounding though imprecisely-specified problem, a claim you may […]

How Does Anyone Work In These Conditions

A little while ago, the espresso machine in our office broke down. This doomsday scenario is, and I say this without the least bit of hyperbole, the most catastrophically dire situation that can exist in this or any other possible universe. If the intertubes felt slow for you the last few weeks, that’s probably why. […]

Besides The Photo And The Memory

After explaining the death of a neighbor’s cat to Maya, every conversation we have can now get incredibly heavy without the least bit of advance warning. “Dad, I want eggs for breakfast.” “Ok, Maya, how do you ask for things?” “Please can I have eggs for breakfast please?” “Sure. We can make scrambled eggs.” “Ok. […]

Genuflecting To Fools

Guys guys great news: it turns out that panicky superstitious people who deliberately misinterpret their shallow understanding of an incredibly narrow slice of a foreign culture they’re otherwise completely disinterested in aren’t reliable predictors of anything at all ever. Who saw that coming, right? I like to imagine that for months now somewhere in the […]

I Believe These Two Have Never Been Seen In The Same Room

And thus it came to pass that in the last moments of the end times, as the worshippers of the Ancient Ones gazed on His final ascension from the depths, that their minds were broken and spirits shattered in those last moments before they were consumed as great Cthulhu approached them, Gangnam style.