Category Archives: fail

Optics

Well, we have to get back to making jokes at some point. I bought some glasses from the internet. It didn’t go exactly as I’d hoped.

A Glass Half Broken

A friend of mine has called me a glass-half-broken kind of guy. My increasingly venerable Nokia N9 has been getting squirrelly for a few months, and since it finally decided its battery was getting on in years it was time for a new phone. I’m going to miss it a lot. The hardware was just […]

Citation Needed

I may revisit this later. Consider this a late draft. I’m calling this done. “Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.” — Stan Kelly-Bootle Sometimes somebody says something to me, like a whisper of a hint of an echo of something half-forgotten, and […]

Algorithmically Marginalized

I wouldn’t have thought that mathematics or signal processing would have a cultural bent, but I just sat through a conference call where everyone was reasonably clear except for one guy, with a pronounced central-African accent, whose voice was getting audibly butchered by the noise cancellation algorithm on the line. The beginning of every sentence, […]

No Shirt, No Shoes, No Service

If you own a public establishment, consider putting one of these near the door. The keynote file it comes from is right here, under a CC-BY-SA 3.0 license, and you’re welcome to use it as often as you feel is necessary.

It’s Not Just For Lolcats

So, this is pretty awesome. How does Wells Fargo secure your communications channel? With animated gifs. Ladies and gentlemen, Wells Fargo’s security. And, not to put to fine a point on it, their opinion of how trivially gulled their clients are. Are you a client of Wells Fargo? I’m just asking.

Genuflecting To Fools

Guys guys great news: it turns out that panicky superstitious people who deliberately misinterpret their shallow understanding of an incredibly narrow slice of a foreign culture they’re otherwise completely disinterested in aren’t reliable predictors of anything at all ever. Who saw that coming, right? I like to imagine that for months now somewhere in the […]

Solidarity For A Few Minutes If Everyone’s OK With That Maybe I Guess

Just to set the mood, here’s a bit Matt Taibbi wrote about the ability of the American left get themselves organized, specifically with respect to the anti-war protests in 2007: “The post-sixties dogma that everyone’s viewpoint is legitimate, everyone‘s choice about anything (lifestyle, gender, ethnicity, even class) is valid, that’s now so totally ingrained that […]

Toolchain

I was idly looking over the shooting script for Men In Black the other day. Different from the movie, in a lot of little ways that add up; as filmed it came out a fun, largely harmless sci-fi movie of no particular note but the original script was quietly darker and more introspective than you’d […]

On The Perpetual Threat Of Regressive Nonsense In Children’s Literature

We took Arthur’s Science Fair Trouble out of the library for Maya the other day, and let me tell you: I had always suspected that most of what adults tell you is bullshit, but children’s books live at some horrible Venn overlap of Moore and Sturgeon’s respective Laws where 90% of everything is not only […]